Monday, November 15, 2010

I want to look better in my Skivvies for Janet Napolitano

Now that I'm 11 months into my Super Hero training, I've found it easier to accept the fact that any further improvement in this almost 49-year-old vessel will require either harder training, demolition and reconstruction, or less imbibing. As difficult as it is for me to say, "I choose harder training!!!!" I've warned you - as my muscle mass increases - the brain matter is shrinking. A year ago, I'd be calling the demo man stat.

Now my next statement will seem odd at first, because I have sworn off dating for the next, at least 8 months - could be longer.

I have an entirely new goal. I just want to look good in my Skivvies. And that's not to say anyone has actually seen me in them in the past few months, and nor will anyone until next summer, except, I'm assuming - Janet Napolitano.

I want to have rock-hard abs and shapely thighs for Janet Napolitano. Yes that's right - all for our nation's Homeland Security Chief. Why? Well, far be it from me to be the one going through the new airport full-body scan devices that peer beneath clothing - and have them mistake a fat-fold for a weapon. I couldn't take the humiliation. I'd rather them say, "let her through, her guns are attached." If you refuse to be scanned, they just pat you down. So, yes I'm working harder to protect the TSA from having to "fondle me," as one woman put it in today's USA Today.