It's Too Hard to Train for a Sprint Triathlon

I never would have accepted the assignment of a Sprint Triathlon I bestowed upon Big Red and me, had I realized training would be so annoying. You people do realize if it's iceberg weather, the only option for cycling, is inside on a one-wheeler traveling nowhere.

Big Red alway flaunting her thighs

Now, cycling was actually the least of my worries when I forced this commitment upon us. So as I started on my 45-minute jaunt,  just knowing "I've got this - because at least I will be sitting during this little endurance exercise," I finally realized  - THERE IS NO COASTING on a stationary bike. Nope. You sit, but your legs are in constant motion for 45 minutes. What? I'm sorry, but this isn't reality training. This just isn't going to work.

Let's talk about running, shall we?  What I'm about to reveal to you should in no way be construed as something I'm proud of, but here it goes - I can now run 5k in 36 minutes. Yeah I know, you're grandma runs it in 20. Give her a medal, will ya?

Now, Big Red however is a different story. She runs at the pace of your great, great Grandma. And yes, I know, that particular Grandma is no longer amongst the living. Exactly. I believe Big Red has mastered one-and-a-half miles at this point; and I don't dare ask how many markings on the clock dial are passed by the minute hand when the task is completed.

She is of German descent and claims her people are not runners - they are marchers.  Now I see it a little differently. Big Red was born in the wrong century as far as I'm concerned.  Her voluminous Herculean thighs are of the sort women in the 1800s donned after years of harnessing themselves to a plow in the potato fields. As time passed, these women were replaced by oxen.

Big Red couldn't fit her thighs in the car.

Now, for the swimming. Yeah, that's going to have to wait. It took a while to actually find a suit to fit, and our gym pool is very, very busy.  Just haven't quite jumped in yet. It's very mentally challenging to want to take a plunge when it is 20 degrees outdoors. Yes, I know, we have an indoor pool at the gym. I didn't say it was impossible, I'm just saying it's mentally challenging.  And most of you are aware, we are weak to such.

Whose Glutes Aren't Larger Than Their Neck? I Must Meet that Person.

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