Wednesday, May 4, 2011

If only Bin Laden had vacationed in Vegas

I'm just going to start this out with - I spent the weekend in Vegas. Yes, because when you're on a high note in life you should always visit the world where dreams die and the downtrodden whimper.

In this world of Sin City, who is going to worry about little jiggly on your body - especially when you're looking into the blood-shot eyes of a buck-naked guy who just chased a wily hooker down the hall of his hotel because she absconded with his wallet after coaxing him out of his favorite Holiday shorts. I'm just saying my little problems are forgotten when staring into the eyes of Felony-stupid.

I don't know why the Vegas hotels didn't think to send a 3-day vacation package to Osama Bin Laden before now. That 30-dollar hooker could have blown his head years ago - OFF, I mean blown his head OFF.

I'm kidding. This doesn't really happen, because prostitution is illegal in any county in Nevada with a population of people who have most of their teeth. I feel a check coming from the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority about now.

Okay back to felony stupid - And I'm going to cut a little slack on the stupid part when explaining to you the fact that Big Red is not a quitter. And when I say not a quitter, I mean she will vow to break every bone in her body to prove to me she can fly.

It brings tears to my eyes to see her incredible ambition, but I'm always taken aback when she feels the need to try such risky moves with an audience of - well - a full restaurant and bar.

It was difficult to determine her intended destination when she took flight from a perfectly sturdy bar stool, because she only got as far as my feet. But like I said, she can't even spell quit. No, really, on some days she literally can't. She did however receive a standing ovation when everyone jumped out of their seats to see if there was any blood on the floor. I think the staff of STK actually offered her a weekly gig.


  1. You are funny! I love you sense of humor. Vegas was a blast!


  2. sorry about the misspelled "you". It should be "your". I need my morning coffee.

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