Saturday, June 18, 2011

Friendliest girl at the beach

Proceed with caution, because I'm just now hopping back on the "writing" bike with my training wheels on today, after a long composition hiatus. It was a break that was necessary in order to keep a paycheck coming so I could actually keep this laptop, my house, car, food, custody of my child, etc.

After a long arduous, hard working winter that lasted longer than your worst nightmare of a date - you know - the date that forced you to fantasize of a demonized winged creature swooping in to yank him from this universe. Another analogy my sluttier friends (Big Red) will understand better - you know, the date that had you making out patterns on the ceiling as if they were constellations? Okay, so it was a long winter.

With that established, and the fact I spent 120 days with virtually no ability to turn my nose up to an invitation to fatty food and copious amounts of grape juice - you need to know this Super Hero in training's swagger turned more into a lumbering waddle as I returned to a life of normalcy by the Legislative session's end.

So on June 6th, I took a long hard look in the mirror and decided the party responsible for this mess is - NOT ME. No, I would never do this to myself. I place the blame on every Legislator that serves in Nevada. Yep. 63 people should feel very bad for what they've created. Maybe there are only 62 Legislators now, because from the looks of me - I'm can't be sure I didn't actually consume one of them.

Anyway, I have been on a very strict, self-imposed diet and exercise regiment for 12 days and am proud to say, by the time I'm in Hawaii next month, I may be able to reveal my ankles. Actually I can see some remnants of my abs by now and I look great in a bikini in low lighting; and if I stretch my hands way, way, way above my head. I'll be the friendly girl on the beach with a gregarious double handed wave for every passerby.

The good news is I have something like 42 days left to continue the transformation. Or 50 days. I don't really know because that would involve pulling out the abacus.


  1. All those mocha lattes You gotta do pilates!

    Time to get back on Kanye's workout plan:

  2. You are very creative when you write. Glad you are back!!!

  3. Aren't you happy that Nevada has a "part time" legislature?