When President Clinton speaks - I simply wonder what I'll be having for breakfast.

I'm here to tell you, when President Clinton talks, people listen. And I know this shouldn't be of any shock to anyone, except - I watched an over-packed room of intelligent societal figures breathlessly attentive to him, although they hadn't the faintest idea what he was saying.

At one point I glanced over at Big Red. And I had really tried to avoid eye contact with her during this painstaking journey through G-Nomes; sub atomic particles; and measuring light like a GPS, because I was convinced her head had surely exploded already, and I was not in the mood to clean up a mess.

So what I witnessed was the following, not only from Big Red, but from 99 percent of the people in the audience. Think of the times when your dog is looking up at you as you speak to him. And he stares at you in wonderment, ears perked up - turning his head to and fro - hanging on every word, while waiting for you to say anything he understands. "Wait, did she say ball, I think she said ball." "OMG I think she said Go for a walk, Walk?" "Snack? she said snack." And tail wagging commences once rewarded with a familiar phrase.

So needless to say, the only actual wagging at this event were the tongues of every woman who had that doe-eyed puppy dog look as they gazed into the President's eyes, knowing he would single them out to reward them with a word they might understand, "Treat?"

Don't get me wrong. I totally get the presence he commands when he enters a room; and his energy is all encompassing. But the moment he started talking of a parallel universe - my mind wandered to what I'd be eating for breakfast in the morning.

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you, the President sat a mere 16 inches from me (we were back to back) while other people were on stage talking about subject matter I actually understood.

However, in between Big Red and me was the President's carefully placed Secret Service Agent. Yes, we were in a 10,000 square foot ballroom, yet the staff thought it prudent to place the President's security detail practically in our laps. They will rethink such positioning next time, because as it turns out - we might be a little distracting.



(Big Red and Secret Service dude)

We were made aware of this when one of the President's Aides stopped by our table to ask the Agent if he was going to flirt all night or protect the President. Who knew he had a choice? I thought that was very liberal of them. Apparently in our effort to make the Agent feel at home - he was remiss in blocking a throng of people accosting the President during his Vegetarian delight.


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