Thursday, July 8, 2010

Trapped on a plane

I have no conscience, unless she's sitting next to me. And she is, in the form of a flaming red-head angry person, who's turned nice when her world improved due to all the fabulous Kharma I have collected.

She's punishing me with a non-class seat on Delta to travel across the continent. She placed the laptop in front of me and ordered I write a blog. And at 10,000 feet in the air with only high-carb snacks, alcohol and sugar, I have to tell you - I'm a little embarrassed to sport the tight red Super Hero onesy I have on right now.

What have I done lately? I'm losing weight at the rate of about a pound a light-year now. Most of you haven't traveled in my dimension, so that means like "my great-grandchildren will be dead before I get to my goal."

I've been honing my "saving lives" skills. It's been mostly geared towards animals, because I really don't want to raise any expectations of me. Once you start saving people from burning buildings, you're life really isn't your own anymore.

I've saved a seagull from a plastic gracery bag. I know, you hear about dolphins and the plastic six-pack holders, but you never hear of the danger plastic grocery bags impose on the poor seagulls. Some might muse that any seagull living in the desert, about 300 miles from any semblance of a SEA is probably asking for trouble with a grocery bag. But I have to say, any seagull with the wits about him to go to the market to purchase his fish is worth saving. You don't see dolphins milling around the store in search of sardines. No, they are apparently out in the ocean swilling a six-pack of coke, or even worse - Pabst Blue Ribbon for all we know.

Okay, yeah I saved a human too. It was one of those male versions of a Damsel in Distress. What I saved him from was his own embarrassment. His Jeep Cherokee was stalled in a left turn lane. I offered to help push. And he was so excited and grateful for the offer that he jumped in behind the steering and said "let's go." Really? You have a chick helping, and YOU get behind the wheel. So, in my world, I yanked his whiny butt out of the car and tossed it into the nearest lake, Virginia Lake - only 2 miles away. Okay, I actually pushed his car to safety, because people were watching. And I ask, why were they watching a 134 pound middle-aged woman push a 1/2 ton car with a 230 pound dude in it?

1 comment:

  1. lol....maybe he was so weak he couldn't push his own car. way to show him how its done super hero!