Dangling from the moon

Remember when you were in Jr. High and High School and you were sure everyone is looking at you, even though no one actually could, because your face was always two inches from a mirror? Well that very feeling came over me today at the gym.

Trainer guy decided it is now time after months of training to test my ability on pull-ups. You know this move. Your body dangles miles up from the floor and for some ridiculous reason you lift the upper-half of your body above the bar. I'm wondering what he thinks I need to take a peek at up there, because I can see everything very clearly from the precarious position I'm already in - which happens to feel like center ring at the circus.

At my first glance up - while I was still comfortably planted on the earth, I chuckled at his request to jump up to the bar which may as well have been anchored to the moon - considering my non-kangaroo-like stature. I mean really, white men can't jump and this mixed raced Cherokee/Irish girl is feeling a lot like a white man right now under these circumstances.

So in an effort to save myself from inevitable humiliation, I search the room for the smallest girl I could find (she couldn't have weighed more than 100 lbs) I pointed to her and said, "Can we accomplish this same task if I can just lift her over my head?" It's worth asking, because this little stunt he has in store for me requires these arms (that are attached to MY body) to lift my entire body weight UP repeatedly. I explained that I'm not quite down to the weight I need to be to do pull-ups yet, you know - about 85 pounds.

I don't know what it is I do him, because his response is always that of a dead, cold stare. I think he feels these workouts would go by much quicker if I didn't spend all my time creating ways of getting out of the next set of the circuit.

So I have no choice but to leap with all my might up to the bar, and all I could think was - just don't miss the bar. Ah, victory! I connected to the bar. Okay, so here I am, hanging above all the little people, now I must pull, pull, pull myself up. I'm not sure I can even describe the sounds projecting from my mouth, but I made it through five pull-ups.

As a shuttle from the space station firmly planted me back on the earth - I turned to a standing ovation from everyone in the gym. I'm not sure they were as proud of my accomplishment as they were delighted the agonizing screams had ceased.