No Pro Football Player has ever been in my shorts.

Because the new school year was rapidly approaching Saturday, my Princess had a brilliant idea to throw an end-of-the-year tweenie party and invite every Tom, Dick and Harry over - except it was more like every Jan, Vick and Carry since it's still a G-rated age group of girls.

And being the top-notch, perfect, Super Hero mom that I am (I can say that, because my tweenie doesn't read my blog so she can't actually repudiate any of the above mentioned text), I delighted in throwing the tweenie party of the summer on Saturday with pretzels, chips, dip, pizza, ice cream sandwiches, and sodas. Now you know how "T-H-E-Y" say that one cheat day can't really hurt you? Well I've heard this from "T-H-E-M," and "T-H-E-Y" are LIARS.

Yes, I bought all that junk food for the kids, however, the chips sat out right in front of me all day. Hello? I never have happy food at my house. I eat cardboard, liquid protein, rabbit food, shark food (but no people, license plates or sardines); so this one time I decided to eat chips, a slice of pizza, a soda, ice cream sandwich and maybe a couple dozen other unmentionables. So the moral of this story is to never listen to "T-H-E-M."

Because I now feel I'm in a position to try out for linebacker for - I don't know - A Double A High School Team, or worse - The Detroit Lions. "Hey, put me in coach, I don't smoke."

But none-the-less - I'm telling you the ramifications of one cheat day is big and "T-H-E-Y," whoever "T-H-E-Y" are - SUCK! This lead-butt had to go 40 minutes on the stairs and 20 minutes on the treadmill - not to mention the crunches. However, the hardest part of the morning was squeezing into my spandex shorts that have never been used by an actual professional football player.