Tuesday, June 15, 2010

If Ed McMahon calls tell him I'm busy

I'm beginning to like my chances of a phone call from Ed McMahon better than manipulating this body into a size 4. And I'm pretty sure that dude checked out a while back. Ah, maybe that's it, when I see him I'll be a 4, but will have killed myself to get there. I don't like my odds on that one; and Gamble is my middle name. Well it actually is my last name, but whoever says that?

Hey, I'm not a quitter though. We all know this, because I never quit on wine during my pathetic course to 134 lbs. It's funny, I was going to say during my "path" in the former sentence, but my fingers took over and "pathetic" was the final outcome. I somehow knew it wasn't really my brain working the keyboard all this time. Someone has me on puppet strings.

And to boot, my trainer isn't helping. He told me if I wanted to be a size 4, I'd have to lose some muscle. He's trying to scare me, because he is prejudice against women will small derrieres. Can you really trust a trainer who's theme song is, "I like big butts and I cannot lie?" I don't know.

Okay, so for the sake of the getting those cute golf skirts, I'm going to stick to it. Now don't be disappointed if I only lose like an ounce a week, which would put me at 12 oz. a year. And after 8 years, I'll have 6 pounds of fat GONE. All my muscle in tact. However, I may not have my teeth by then. Geezus! Why don't I just wait til I can't chew anymore? Weight loss won't be a problem. No really. I'm going to continue trying, because - I don't know, I can't really think of a good reason other than it just gives me something to obsess on.


  1. Actually, an ounce a week would be 48 oz. a year or 3 lbs a year. I'd be there in 2. Math truly is not my subject.

  2. If it's all that much of an effort and sacrifice, I'd just as soon enjoy food and wine and not weigh under 130...

    On the other hand, I'm about 30 pounds away from that anyway...so what do I know?

  3. yet another creative, fun read.