Learning to speak Gym can be dangerous

In the gym I not only learn the nuances of training; sweating; and jealousy of others with much better assets than mine, but I now have an entire new vocabulary. None of it terminology useful to me outside the four walls of iron, machinery and torture devices, however I've always been one who loves the art of communicating.

Especially when Mr. Freaky Strong (that would be a large creature who believes loud spurts of grunting, growling and screaming are prerequisites for an authentic ball-busting workout) tells me as I'm two sets into an already agonizing leg press, "You should throw another Ay-Shun on there." I respond with, "HU? An Ay-Shun?" He says, yeah, you know like a small Asian person.

I know what you're thinking, "What the hell?" So I can't help myself - I have to ask, what pray-tell is equivalent to an Asian? Well, let me enlighten you. It is anywhere from 90-100 pounds in gym-speak. Now, I know these guys aren't racist, because in my gym we have every color, gender and species known to man.

All I could think of is - I sure hope that crazy, naked Asian guy trapped in the car trunk of "Hangover" doesn't hear about this. I don't think Freaky Strong would stand a chance to that naked guy wrapping his legs, and whatever that was in between, around his face. I'm almost certain it would be the first time I would see a perfectly healthy mountain of muscle just FAINT.

Oh, and by the way - prejudice does exist in the gym, but it has nothing to do with color - just never call a Strong Man competitor a "body builder." If you do, that will be the last mistake you ever make. I know, how can you tell the difference? Because as much as I hate to say it - THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE. Oh no she didn't. Oh yes I did.

So back to his suggestion of throwing another Asian on. My response was, dude - I'm not trying to be a He-Man-and-monster of the Universe. I really just want to fit into my pants.