Monday, March 22, 2010

Truth in numbers?

I hated pop quizzes in school and they are as equally cruel when you're an adult in age/weight denial. My trainer knows my fear of scales, measurements, fat scopes, etc., so he never, ever gives me a heads-up when he's going to spring a measurement day on me.

That day was today. As often happened in school, I failed - well sort of. The way I see it, he failed. He says numbers don't lie. Well okay, but even if they did, I apparently wouldn't know it based on my relationship history. And let's be honest here. I don't have any better relationship with numbers than I've had elsewhere.

He measured body fat first. Some numbers went up and some went down. Then the tale of the tape - "You've lost inches everywhere." So then the analysis went something like this: "Your body fat went up 1%, but you've lost inches." So I'm thinking losing inches is good, til he cut my 'head-in-the-clouds' thought off with, "You probably lost muscle." What? I'm sorry, I'm sure I didn't hear you right. Muscle? I'm in the gym 6-9 hours a week and I'm losing muscle and not fat.

Then I wonder, is the irony not lost on you Mr. Trainer Man that I pay you to help me lose fat and increase muscle mass? Then his words that damn near dropped me to the floor. "You need to be more disciplined in the gym and eat better."

If I had any energy in me to scream I would have, but I had just endured 40 minutes on the stairs and 30 minutes with him. But as soon as he pried my hands from around his neck, I explained - if I trained any harder, the Olympic Committee is going to start scouting me. I don't have time to train for the Olympics. I just want to fit into my size six Super Hero spandex and be on my way.

So today I've eaten Oatmeal for breakfast and tuna fish with Balsamic vinegar on it and a handful of almonds. I'm not saying I believe him, but that Super Hero outfit isn't going to get any bigger and Hollywood is waiting.


  1. To err is human, and I think Mr Trainer Man erred.